


I'll Charm the Pance Off of You

by vldrarepairs (miraculousstorytelling)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bad Flirting, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Embarrassing Bets, F/M, Really it's just Lance making a fool out of himself, sassy pidge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 09:10:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9314930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miraculousstorytelling/pseuds/vldrarepairs
Summary: When Lance needs help with his pick-up lines, he goes to Pidge for advice. In exchange, he has to use the worst one on Coran.





	1. Chapter 1

"Hey, Pidge, you busy?"

Pidge turned and glared at Lance, indicating the tangle of wires connecting her laptop to her lion and deadpanning, "No. Not at all."

He grinned and settled on the ground beside her. "Great! I have a favor to ask."

She sighed, already resigning herself to infinitely more noise than she was accustomed to working with, and returned to typing. "Knock yourself out."

"As you may have noticed, my legendary flirting skills haven't exactly worked on any of the aliens we've met."

Pidge's fingers paused, hovering just over the keys of her computer as she cautiously looked over at Lance, "Okay...?"

"And I need to practice."

She raised a brow. "So, you came to me?"

"Well, you're technically a girl."

"Technically?" she asked, a dangerous edge to her voice.

"Okay, fine," he conceded, "I asked Hunk and Shiro, and they both said no."

She smirked, returning to her work. "You sure you don't want to practice on Keith?"

Lance made a face. "Why would I want to practice on _Keith_? He's my rival. I can't give away my secrets to the _enemy_."

"He's not your enemy," Pidge explained for the thousandth time, "Or your rival. We're on the same team."

"Says you," Lance grumbled, folding his arms over his chest.

"Look, as long as I can keep working on my lion, fine, whatever," she said, rolling her eyes.

He grinned. "Perfect. All you have to do is listen and give me feedback if something isn't working."

"Something's _already_ not working. I'm not attracted to you," Pidge declared.

"Okay, _pretend_ you're attracted to me, then."

"I'm not sure my imagination will stretch that far."

"I thought you said you'd help me!" He frowned.

She scoffed, "That was _before_ I knew what I was agreeing to."

"Okay, what will it take to change your mind?"

Thoroughly interested now, Pidge turned to face him, scrutinizing his suddenly nervous expression, "You're really desperate, aren't you?"

"Look, I could go find someone else," Lance answered, glancing at the door.

"Okay. Good luck flirting with your mirror." She returned to her work, waiting for his inevitable concession. The silence bought her a precious few minutes to decide the penalty for interrupting her work.

Finally, he flopped back onto the floor, "Okay, what do you want?"

"I get to pick the most absurd pick up line you use, and you have to say it to Coran."

Lance shot back up to stare at her, "To _Coran_?!"

"That's my price," she answered, biting back a smirk.

He hesitated, glanced at the door again, seriously contemplated asking his Lion to help instead, then finally huffed out a defeated sigh. "Okay, fine."

"All right!" Pidge chirped, grinning as she turned back to him, "Then, lay it on me."

Lance cheered up enough to send her a seductive smile. "Okay, do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?"

She snorted. "Seriously?"

Unfazed, he pretended to look in his pocket, then he smiled. "I think I've lost my number. Can I have yours?" He extended a hand.

She snickered, waving his hand back. "Come on, we're in space. Our phones don't even work out here."

"Fair point." He thought a moment, then he beamed. "Hey, did you sit in sugar? Cause you've got a sweet a-"

" _Lance!"_ she cut him off with a shout.

"Sorry, sorry." He laughed, "All right, if I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes." He waggled his brows comically, but she just stared him down.

"Lance, seriously?"

"Excuse me, but I think I dropped something." He leaned in. " _My jaw_."

She shook her head, chuckling. "Where do you come up with these?"

"I did a little research back on Earth." He smiled. "Hey, Pidge, if you were words on a page, you'd be fine print."

She rolled her eyes. "How do you even say these with a straight face?"

"Oh, come on," he protested, "That one was great!"

"They're _objectively_ terrible."

He smirked. "Did you just come out of the oven? Because you're hot."

"Awful."

"I'm glad I have my library card, because I'm checking you out," Lance shot back.

"Are there even libraries in space?" she wondered aloud.

"Life without you is like a broken pencil. Pointless."

"Also bad."

"You're so sweet, you're giving me a toothache."

"Really?"

Lance frowned. "None of them?"

"Half of them wouldn't even make _sense_ to an alien." She pointed out.

He sighed. "Yeah, you're probably right." Lance slumped back onto the floor, "I'm terrible at this."

"You're not even _trying_. You're just spouting stupid pickup lines."

"They worked before."

"Seriously?" she asked, nose crinkling in disgust, "On who?"

"Well, okay, maybe they _didn't_ work before."

"Shocking," she murmured under her breath.

"Am I gonna die alone?"

Pidge froze. She hadn't been prepared for a flirty Lance, but now she found she was even _more_ unprepared for Lance going through a personal crisis. "Look, just stop using the pickup lines. Try something else. Like, being sincere." She sat beside him. "Okay, imagine you're attracted to me. If I came over and said something stupid like..." She considered for a moment, then said as flirtatiously as she could manage, "Do you like raisins? How do you feel about a date?"

He smiled. "I'd probably be into it."

She shook her head. "Of course you would."

"Wouldn't you?" he asked, raising a brow.

"No. I'd laugh."

"Well, fine, what's the alternative?"

She briefly assessed him, then she relented. "Okay, imagine I walked up to you instead and said: 'Hey, you caught my eye from across the room. Your laugh is really cute, and I like your smile. Can I buy you a drink and get to know you better?'"

He stared up at her, voice softening. "Yeah, I guess... That would be better."

She nodded. "Okay, you try."

"Um..." He sat up and looked her over briefly, "Hey, mind if I join you? I'm Lance."

She smiled, easing into the role. "Pidge."

"Pidge," Lance said, leaning in with a broad smile, "That's a great name."

She paused. "Thanks."

"You look really nice tonight. Wanna talk for a little while and get to know each other?"

Pidge blushed, caught off guard by the sincerity in his eyes, "Okay, that's not bad."

Lance's eyes widened, "Wait..." Then, he sent her a mischievous grin. "Pidge, do you have a _crush_ on me?"

She kicked his arm. "You _wish_."

"You're _blushing_."

"Just for that, I know exactly which one you're using on Coran."

 

Coran was busying himself by cleaning the cryopods again, humming softly as he went. Only three more to go before he could take a well-deserved break.

Lance approached him from the side and cleared his throat.

"Oh, Lance!" Coran grinned. "Care to help me finish up?"

"I have something I need to say." Lance glanced behind him where Pidge was filming the whole encounter.

"All right." Coran set aside his rag and turned to face an unusually tense Lance. "What is it?"

"Did..." Lance cringed, cheeks turning pink. "Did you sit in sugar?"

Coran paused, then frowned. "I...I don't believe so." He peered behind himself, using the shiny surface of the pod as a makeshift mirror, "Is there something on my..."

"Cause... cause..." Lance whimpered, feeling his soul ascend from his body even as he continued. "Cause you've got a sweet ass..."

Pidge dissolved into laughter from behind Lance.

Coran turned and fixed him with a perplexed look, "I've got a what?"

"Gottagobye." Lance rushed out, beet red and humiliated, as Coran watched, utterly confused.

Pidge followed with another snicker. Her work here was done.


	2. Hit Me With Your Best Shot

"Face it, I'm totally a better shot than you."

"You wish, Lance."

"My weapon's a gun!" He insisted, indicating his bayard. "Yours is a little, zappy triangle."

Pidge scoffed. "Just because you have a gun doesn't mean you know how to use it."

Lance jumped to his feet, scowling down at her. "Okay, you're on!"

She smirked. "Fine, but if you lose, you have to use a trashy pick up line on Shiro. And when he asks, you can't tell him why."

"If you lose, you have to stand up in the middle of dinner and give everyone a speech about how great I am!" He narrowed his eyes. "And you can't tell anyone why."

She extended a hand with a smirk and Lance shook it.

 

They hurried to the training room, snagging Coran along the way, and he helped them set up a range that could record their weapons scores.

"I understand Lance wanting to train, but I'm not sure why you want to practice with him," Coran commented as he rummaged around the storage for a spare weapon.

"It's good to be familiar with all types of weapons just in case we get in a spot," she answered with a small smile. And that was true. The fact that she was aiming to humiliate Lance was just a bonus.

Lance smirked. "Yeah, I'm just here to show her how it's done."

Pidge snorted. "Yeah, right."

"All right. You get points based on accuracy. A missed shot means you lose points. The closer you are to center, the better your score," Coran explained as he handed them both the practice weapons he'd located.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got it." Lance waved him off with cocky grin.

Pidge rolled her eyes as Lance stepped forward.

"Stand back and watch a pro."

"I'd say there's room for both of us, but I'm not sure I can squeeze past your ego," she commented as she slipped past him to aim at the second target. "Shots or time, Coran?"

"Five minutes," he answered, "I'll give the go ahead."

As Coran counted down from ten, Lance shot her a smirk, "You're going down, Pidge."

"Oh, really? Where did I hear that?" She pretended to think, then grinned. "That's right. Every time you challenged someone and lost."

"I don't lose!" Lance snapped.

"No, you don't _win_." She settled into a comfortable position. "But, I guess there's a first time for everything, huh?"

Lance's response was cut off by Coran finally reaching three and enthusiastically counting down to the final two, then one.

The hum of the practice weapons filled the air as targets appeared and vanished on either side, flashing blue or green depending on who hit it first.

"Quit shooting my targets!" Pidge shouted, punctuating each word with a shot.

"Get faster!" Lance yelled back, irritatingly taking out the target she'd been aiming for and making her miss a shot.

"Oh, you're gonna regret that," she muttered.

In the end, she liked to believe he did. Coran counted them down and she sagged back in relief. Lance looked a bit winded, but he still looked annoyingly confident. She couldn't wait to wipe that smirk off his fa-

"Well! Looks like it's a tie!"

"A tie?!" they shouted in unison, each equally distraught and incredulous.

"Yes! Excellent work, but it seems like you could use some more training, Lance. This is your primary weapon, after all."

"Wait, but who won?!" Lance cried, ignoring the criticism.

"Well, neither of you. Or both of you, depending on how you look at it."

As Coran began to tidy up, Pidge frowned, "Does that mean we both lost?"

 

"Hey, Shiro! It's, um, almost time to eat."

Shiro paused, wiping his forehead with a small towel draped over his neck, "Thank you, Lance."

"And, um..." Lance blushed even as Pidge nudged his side. "So, you, uh..." He cleared his throat, "I had a question."

Shiro frowned, glancing between the two of them. "Go ahead."

"Be... um," Lance chuckled, rubbing the back of his head, "Besides being s-sexy, what do you do for a living?"

Pidge snorted and doubled over in laughter as Lance turned bright red and Shiro's frown deepened. "Really?"

And if his frustrated tone didn't send her into another fit of giggles the light pink dusting Shiro's cheeks would have.

Shiro turned on Pidge. "Did you put him up to this?"

She barely managed to deny it between laughs as she clung to the doorframe for support.

Shiro folded his arms over his chest, "Lance-"

"Late for dinner! We're... come on." Lance dragged Pidge away as he hurried away. "Laugh it up," he grumbled. "Ready for your speech?"

She almost froze, the last of her laughter dying in her throat.

 

Dinner was midway through, and Pidge hadn't eaten anything. It certainly didn't help that Lance kept smirking at her and Shiro kept sending her suspicious looks.

Finally, she worked up the nerve to stand up. "I'd like to propose a toast. To..." she had to force the words out as everyone turned to stare at her. "To Lance." She managed a weak smile. "What a guy. He's a wonderful team mate, a great fighter, and an amazing friend. He's just the best at everything he does, and it's..." she grimaced, failing to keep any kind of sincerity in her voice, "Such an honor to know him."

Keith raised a brow. "Really?"

"Shut up, Keith!" Lance shot back.

"And, wow, he's such a hit with the ladies." She sighed. "He's definitely the most handsome paladin."

" _Really_?!" Keith asked again.

"Shut _up_!" Lance shouted, his voice pitched higher in irritation.

"Oh, yeah." Pidge fought to rid her tone of its typical sarcastic lilt, "He's so...heroic and, you know, sincere."

"Are you alright?" Allura asked softly, brows furrowed.

"Yeah, of course!" Pidge cleared her throat and help up her cup, staring at it instead of the group currently eyeing her like she'd turned purple. "To Lance."

"To Lance!" Hunk joined in enthusiastically

Lance quickly followed with a loud, "To me!"

Coran was next, followed by Shiro and a highly suspicious Allura. Keith just sipped his drink and ignored them, prompting Lance to send him a rude gesture that earned Lance a soft reprimand from Shiro.

Lance finally settled back in his seat with a smug grin. "Thank you, Pidge. It's always nice to get some appreciation."

And while Hunk frowned and insisted he appreciated Lance and Keith made some snide remark, Pidge plopped back down into her seat and stared at her food.

Beneath that stupidly cocky grin, she could swear he'd actually looked pleased. And not in that irritatingly superior way either. He looked genuinely, simply happy. And that look made her stomach twist in an unusually pleasant way.

Because Lance was happy. She made Lance happy. She was the reason his blue eyes were just a little brighter. She was the reason he was laughing just a bit louder.

Just why did that make her so...so thrilled? Why did it actually make her a little happy just knowing he was happy? They were friends, she reasoned quietly, that was all. She was glad to see her friend happy.

Lance grinned over at her, and Pidge could swear it squeezed every bit of air from her lungs.

"Oh, quiznak," she murmured, dimly registering the warmth spreading over her cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also posted on tumblr under vldrarepairs

**Author's Note:**

> Also posted on tumblr under vldrarepairs.


End file.
